Friday, September 23, 2016

Five Ways to Deal With Dating a Sailor

by keith allison via flickr cc

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and the navy is literally turning him into a total new person and taking him away and I am pissed and I don't know how anyone deals with this. - Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

I understand what you are going through and it's not fun. It's okay to be pissed and to feel frustrated and lost. We all do, especially at first.

Right now you might be trying to figure out how you are going to deal with this in the long-term because it feels impossible to deal right now, but the thing is that trying to figure out the future before you figure out the present won't be helpful, just overwhelming. The good news is, I can tell you from experience that it does get easier with time, so what you are feeling now won't be what you feel then.

As far as dealing right now. There are a variety of things you can do to make things easier and which are discussed in more depth throughout this blog (use the search bar to help find those posts), but a quick list:

1. Create a strong network of people and groups you can go to in order to vent or just talk to or hang out with. This can be friends, family, online groups, Navy groups, etc. Check out our Facebook Group.

2. Get in contact with and get on the email lists of your Sailor's Family Readiness Group and Ombudsmen. These are the people who can keep you stay informed about work schedules and official business. And yes they do speak to girlfriends.

3. Get hobbies, plan projects, plan trips, or go for that future education to fill in the extra time you will have when he goes away. Doing this gives you socialization and helps the time go by faster. What is something you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time for?

4. Keep reading up on this stuff. Do your homework. In addition to this blog SpouzeBuzz and MilitarySpouse and Military One Source are all great resources. You are already ahead of the game just by looking into this stuff.

5. Give yourself permission to be upset, to get frustrated, to cry, to scream, to get angry even. It's okay to have those feelings. It doesn't mean you can't handle this or that you aren't tough enough. Going through this, sticking it out despite those moments, that's what reveals your strength. Enduring those moments is what shows you can do this. Be patient with him and with yourself during this transition.

I'm wishing you and your Sailor all the luck in the world.

With Love,
Stephanie Carroll
Author & U&E Founder

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