Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Why it's OK To Feel Disappointed When the Deployment is Delayed or Canceled

photo credit: sarahluv via photopin cc
In February of this year something very rare happened, one of those dream-come true kind of things, a cruise was cancelled only a day or so before sailors were ready to leave. Read the Article on CBS.

This of course happened because of Sequestration. That link is the basic definition, but to see why everyone is freaking out about it, read the most recent news article Sequestration Navy Times Article.

Anyway . . . could you imagine mentally and physically preparing for a six to eight month deployment, going through all the emotional hoopla, fighting, crying, stressing, and of course accepting the loss only to have it all canceled the day before it even began?

Would it be a dream come true? Most of us leap at the idea, YES . . . DREAM COME TRUE!!!!

But when you actually go through the mental process and actually plan your year based on the idea that he is going away and go through the mental trials of getting ready for this, to have it cancelled can be a huge unpleasant thing!
photo credit: apdk via photopin cc

"I know it seems crazy for a spouse to complain about her husband not deploying, but hear me out on this."

- Navy Wives Unite

I've been going through something crazy myself lately . . .  preparing for a deployment and then having it go from "Yes, we are going," to "No we are not," to "Well, we are but not for another four months," to "No wait, we are not going," - "Wait, we are going," - "Strike that, we are going but only a couple of months."

Dude, I'm stressed just from writing that. Here's the deal, it is a dream come true to have a cancellation of that magnitude whether its due to sequestration or to other things that happen all the time in the Navy, but the fact of the matter is that everything you have been preparing for and building up to has either been put on hold or completely undone.

Even the Cat is Like "WHAAA???"

photo credit: Andrea Schaffer
via photopin cc

If you are like me then you plan major projects to keep you busy when he is away. What happens to that project? Usually you got yourself on a non-stop course that you have to ride out, which means you'll be doing this project with half the time that you thought you would have available.

"Life in the military is constantly changing. Plan for the unexpected should be tattooed on your body once you are married." 

-Navy Wives Unite

Not to mention the mental confusion, doubt, fear, stress, worry, and psychoticness that comes from having your life upended. If you do feel kind of frustrated with a cancellation like that, you are not alone and you certainly don't have to feel guilty or crazy for it . . . come on, you know you did! It's one of those weird emotions that a psychologist could tell you is very normal, but that most people feel like isn't normal or acceptable.

Well here's another account of this experience. A Navy Wife who was preparing for her husband to deploy on the Truman when the deployment was cancelled in February. For her, the cancellation seriously messed with this couple's plans for starting a family. It's her quotes I have sprinkled throughout this post because they are awesome!

 Read the the Truman Deployment Cancelled blog post on Navy Wives Unite and check out the blog and like it on Facebook too!

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About Stephanie Carroll
U&E Founder & Author
Buy Her Book A White Room!
Photo by Randy Enriquez
I dated and married my husband in 2004 when I was 19. I felt like an outsider for the first half of our marriage. He didn't understand what I needed to know about the Navy, and I didn't know what to ask.

After ten years of learning in the Navy, I founded Unhinged & Empowered. I wanted to spread the knowledge that I needed when I was new, to reveal what took years for me to learn.   
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In addition to being a Navy Wife, I am also a novelist. I write historical women's fiction.

My first novel A White Room debuted in 2013 and is about a woman forced to sacrifice her own ambitions of becoming a nurse to marry a man who can save her destitute family. He moves her to a strange, small town where she slowly succumbs to madness until she stumbles on an opportunity to nurse to the poor despite the fact that her husband prosecutes unlicensed practitioners.

Learn more at and connect with me @CarrollBooks on Twitter, Facebook, or on Pinterest!

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