Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Secret to Dealing with Deployment Rumors

It’s common leading up to a long deployment to hear rumors: I hear cruise is going to be delayed; they’re saying it’s going to be extended; it’s going to get pushed up; it’s going to be back to back; it’s going to be followed by a two year turn-around, and on and on.

photo credit: Loca Luna / Anna Gay via photopin cc
Of course the commands strongly discourage this kind of talk as both a security issue and simply because it causes misinformation. Still, you will always hear things. So every spouse or girlfriend has to come to the decision whether or not to hope for the best or prepare for the worst.

I personally tend to go for prepare for the worst. I’m not trying to be pessimistic. I just don’t like getting let down, and I find that I do better when I’m psychologically prepared for the worst whereas if I have succumbed to expecting something better and it doesn’t happen, it’s rather crushing for me. I’ve even taken to expecting cruises to be extended at least two months whether I hear a rumor about it or not. That way, if it is extended, I will be ready for it and if it’s not, then what a delightful surprise!

But long behold, I have come across a first in my Navy Wife tours … what is one to do when the hopeful rumors are beginning to be confirmed by a command? What if one of those good rumors were to even be officially announced: Such and such wonderful thing has occurred and the deployment has been delayed, shortened, called off (ha!), etc.? Then what is one to believe?

photo credit: ▲Camille Richez via photopin cc
When one of those “I’ve heards” recently turned into, “the skipper said,” I didn’t even respond to my husband. I just continued the conversation as if the statement were never made. He looked puzzled, surprised by lack of excitement.

That’s when I realized that the option of believing such news was not in my repertoire. Even as days have passed, and the news has become more and more official, I’m still not buying it. He keeps giving me these quizzical looks, but I really am not sure if I can believe good news in this type of circumstance, or if I want to because what if something changes?

So what has been your experience with rumors coming true? Do you hope for the best or prepare for the worst? Have you ever had a good rumor come true and did you believe it? Have you ever witnessed the best occur or is it always the worst or somewhere in the middle?

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About Stephanie Carroll
U&E Founder & Author
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Photo by Randy Enriquez
I dated and married my husband in 2004 when I was 19. I felt like an outsider for the first half of our marriage. He didn't understand what I needed to know about the Navy, and I didn't know what to ask.

After ten years of learning in the Navy, I founded Unhinged & Empowered. I wanted to spread the knowledge that I needed when I was new, to reveal what took years for me to learn.   
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In addition to being a Navy Wife, I am also a novelist. I write historical women's fiction.

My first novel A White Room debuted in 2013 and is about a woman forced to sacrifice her own ambitions of becoming a nurse to marry a man who can save her destitute family. He moves her to a strange, small town where she slowly succumbs to madness until she stumbles on an opportunity to nurse to the poor despite the fact that her husband prosecutes unlicensed practitioners.

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  1. A reader and friend of mine can't seem to post comments for some reason - I hope no one else is having this problem =/ but anyway, I'm posting her comment below:

    I prepare for the worst. Having kids in the military that is now of age to somewhat understand the part where Daddy is gonna be gone for a long period of time. I like to prepare her for the worst so that she is not heart broken in case the plans get extended. And if it's shorter then what a delightful surprise (just like what you said). Rumors will always be there, it's part of life. I tend to believe things when my husband tells me things, but from people I know, not so much.

  2. If others are experiencing commenting issues, please use the contact me feature to send me an email about it or use the contact feature on my website - I can't post my email direct because spammer robots will pick it up and bug me. Not cool robots. Not cool.


I love, love your comments and questions! Just remember to not mention any security info about your Sailor! Thank you!

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